“The 14-year-old daughter does not want to communicate with the father, my ex-husband”

Paola Jolley

Paola Jolley

Designer/Crafter

We divorced six years ago,

the daughter was almost eight. They parted, one might say, amicably. Agreed that once every two weeks, dad would take her to his weekend. The first year was amazingly beautiful. They traveled around the parks, talked a lot. Over time, dad got a new wife, at first it was the same as before.

Time has passed. The daughter has matured and refuses to go to my father. No, in no case because of a woman. Because of himself: he, as he did not want to deal with it before, was ready only to rejoice in successes, so now. His new wife is a great woman: strong, smart, friendly, gets along well with our child, earns decently. But my daughter asks the following question: “Why do I need two mothers? After all, I already have one. Maybe dad would be by the way?”

Natalia, your daughter is now 14 years old. She doesn’t want to go to her father. This is worried? A girl may have the right not to communicate with a person with whom she is not interested. She protects her time – this is normal. If the father will be upset because of this, then perhaps he will think about the reasons for the detachment of the child.

But, on the other hand, adolescents do not always want to contact relatives often, they have a natural craving for new connections, peers or strangers. They expand the social worldview, role repertoire and interaction skills, and parents can be boring to them.

In the question of your daughter, you can see dissatisfaction with the relationship with your father. Perhaps she is experiencing a period of disappointment. But she asks her question to you or him? You are upset that your daughter has posed this problem before you? Or you don’t know how to answer her? Who talked with her daughter when she went to her father: dad or his wife?

Everything was good before? Now you write that my husband did not want to deal with it before, it was before the divorce? In a conversation with your daughter, you felt a personal reproach? And I remembered the insults that you experienced in marriage? It seems to you that you must satisfy your daughter’s claim? What exactly did you hear in her question?

What father your daughter would like to see? What dreams about? What exactly is she expecting from him? And why does this question ask you? The girl knows the reason for the divorce, your disagreement?

It is important that the daughter herself can see and understand her father, his interests, lifestyle, feelings and values. She must objectively see that two of her beloved persons are imperfect. At 20, you met, chose each other, having loved, gave birth to a child. But some qualities were not taken into account, and they were important in life together.

The daughter meets the adult world and must see that everything is interconnected. Father the way he is. And now she decides how and how much to communicate with him. You have to take her pain and disappointment. If feelings are disturbed and there is a need to consult, then you can seek help from a psychologist.

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